"I love fried, I love dough, I love accoutrement"

Thursday night was our first real night in Miami. We arrived much later than we expected on Wednesday night because a family on the plane decided that moments before take off would be a good time to fight with the flight crew about whether or not their kids could sit in an exit row. They were told in two languages, plus by the excellent signage on Continental Airlines that those kids could not sit there, but they just didn't care. Because the fight dragged on for so long we were bumped from our spot in line for take off by President Obama. Though, I do have to admit, it was pretty cool getting to watch Air Force One take off right next to us.

Back to the juicy stuff:

After spending the day lying on a gorgeous beach the gentleman (It might be easiest to just refer to him as "G" from now on) and I went back to the hotel room to start getting ready to head out to dinner. After taking a spin on his UrbanDaddy app on his iPhone we decided to go to Barton G.

We had looked at their website, but I don't think I was quite prepared for what was about to happen.

We were seated at an abnormally long table for two people, I kind of felt like we were miles away from one another - but the roomy table would prove to be a necessity. Once the kid at the table next to us stopped screaming and crying we were able to relax and enjoy ourselves.

     I suppose I should take a moment to describe our waiter. Quirky would be an understatement I think. He spoke only to me. He wouldn't even look at G. G ordered for us - the whole time he was ordering, the waiter looked only at his pad or me. He kept giving me the "are-you-sure-he-knows-what-he's-doing-ordering-all-this-food-you-guys-must-be-nuts" look. It started to become a joke. G would say things in order to get a reaction form him or to try to get him to make eye contact. We weren't sure if he had the hots for G or if he was scared. He did, however, go to great lengths to explain to us which drinks would be best for women and which would be best for men.
     Amendment 8/2/10, 8:01pm:  After reading this post, G sent me a text telling me that I forgot to 
    mention that the Quirky Waiter sounded like Ricky Ricardo. And that was just foolish of me.
    I promised to quote his next text - so here it is: "Also his cadence or pentameter was similar to that
    of the jilted, last season recognizing, gay Prada lover on the witness stand at the end of Legally   
   Blonde".  Okay - do you guys love it, or what?!

We both ordered mojitos (which Quirky Waiter said was a poplar drink for the men) that came in tall, vintage glasses.

We decided that rather than just getting a couple of entrees we would get a bunch of appetizers, that way we could see what the kitchen was capable of. This was also probably why Quirky Waiter looked perplexed while we were ordering. QW said he would bring our appetizers out to us two at a time so that we would have some room on the table.

First out: Lobster Pop-Tarts and Coconut Crusted Voodoo Shrimp.
Those sure as shit were some Pop-Tarts! They even came out in a vintage-esque toaster! The buttery, flaky crust (frankly more akin to a Toaster Strudel than a traditional Pop Tart but clearly way more tasty!) was filled with big pieces of lobster meat and melted gruyere cheese. It came with three sauces to dip in: lemon caper, brandy tarragon, and Hollandaise. I have to say, they were fabulous!

I don't think either of us were as in love with the shrimp. They were good, but not amazing. They came out in a smokey vase of dry ice. Each shrimp was wrapped in crab meat and seaweed and then battered in coconut and fried. I will admit though that the mango and pineapple chutney that it was served with delicious.

After that round was cleared and we ordered a second round of drinks the next batch arrived. This time it was: the Zen Tuna Trio and Crabby Dogs.
The Crabby Dogs were a play on corn dogs. Served out of small microwave oven the sweet lump blue crab was battered in cornmeal and deep fried. Hot damn they were good.

You can't fuck up raw tuna if the tuna is good to begin with. The trio was lovely. It consisted of a tuna tartare taco, tuna carpaccio and a spicy tuna tataki. Curiously it was said to have come with a "peaceful ponzu waterfall" and while there was a multi-coloed waterfall on the plate, neither os us wanted to dunk of tuna in the dry ice filled thing to see if the ponzu was really in there.

Okay. All of the was delicious - but nothing prepared us for how good and how indulgent our dessert would be.

We ordered the Box of South Beach Beignets.
They came out in a mesh lunch box. There were vanilla, chocolate, and classic beignets and churros too. You could dip them in fudge, whipped cream, raspberry jam or my favorite, carmel sauce.
We both tried our first one and G looked up at me and said: "I love this. I love fried, I love dough, I love accoutrement". And he was right. What was not to love about it!

And just then, just as he said how much he loved it, and amazing thing happened. QW not only lookd G square in the eyes to ask how everything was, he touched his shoulder (and if I'm not mistaken, rubbed it a little). G and I gave each other a knowing look, smiled and then G pulled out a classic line. He said to QW "It's transcendental".